If
by xXSadisticChiibiiXx
Summary: "If only I could understand...then maybe, we can be both happy." WARNINGS: YAOI. OOC? But you know how I always write Sebby and Grell. XDD And yes, my feels for my OTP is back. QuQ SebastianxGrell
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:**_

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My feels~ It finally returned to me! /sobs And yes, that's the title we came up with~ Got some problem with that yo~? You know how we always come up with the most awesome fic titles~ *sarcasm*

Hopes you likes~ And wish me luck for tomorrow's exam yo~! QuQ

PS: Look~! I has my A/N soo short! Congratulate me~! *rolls*

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_Rated: T  
__Genre: Romance, Drama, Hurt/Comfort  
Pairing: SebastianxGrell_

**_DISCLAIMER: _**_WE DO NOT OWN KUROSHITSUJI/BLACK BUTLER OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. WE ONLY OWN **THIS FANFICTION STORY **ITSELF._

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The night was cold and silent, but warm and peaceful inside the Phantomhive manor. Ciel and the other servants are now sleeping quietly and comfortably in their rooms, except for the loyal butler of the household. He felt that this night was somehow different from the other night he'd been in this manor, but he could not figure what it is. Shrugging the feeling off, Sebastian strode through the hallways of the mansion making sure for the last time that day that everything is in order and all work is all done for the night.

He let a small smile grace his sinful lips, deeming the whole place to be in perfect state, he was ready to retire to his room. Not to sleep of course, because demons do not have the need for such a thing, but to think about his work and butler duties for the next morning, as he usually do.

Suddenly, a familiar presence has graced the Phantomhive grounds.

The another's immortal presence made the butler flinch and almost felt concern for the peace he was beginning to enjoy. "What does that idiot wants now?" He said in a quiet snarl, not wanting to wake any of the residents residing in the mansion, including his young master- _specifically_ his young master.

Sebastian was quick to meet the redhead at the gates, not wanting for the troublesome reaper to be another foot near the mansion. In his usual cold demeanor, he spoke. "What is your business in here, reaper? It is quite late for a visit don't you think?"

Grell's body swayed with his every move, practically dragging his feet in each step that he make. His face was a burning red and his half-lidded eyes unfocused. He reeks of alcohol and he was looking horrible. His hair and clothes are unkept, and was looking disoriented. He is a perfect picture of a drunken man. The redhead did not respond however, and just kept walking closer towards the demon butler like he did not know that Sebastian was even there.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at this, starting to get annoyed. The redhead was obviously drunk, and he choose his young master's place to be the unfortunate one to suffer from it. He growled, grabbing the arm of the drunken redhead as he walked pass him. "Grell." He called sternly, his eyes flashing its demonic glow for a quick moment.

The redhead halted, not sparing him even just a glance, he whispered. "I want to see Sebas-chan~...I want to..." He said, his words swirling like words from a drunk man- well he IS a drunk man, at present.

"I'm right here."

Softly, the redhead asked, "Sebas-chan...?" finally laying his eyes on the demon butler, in mild confusion.

Sebastian only nodded, cold and emotionless as ever, and watched as the redhead tried to straighten himself and face him with less difficulty. Grell smiled sweetly at him, not showing any of his lethal shark-like teeth, only an innocent smile but with a hint of sadness in his bright gold-green eyes that seems to glow in the moonlight. And for a moment, he was enthralled, it's not everyday that he give the redhead the pleasure of his attention nor taking notice of the reaper's physical appearance.

All of a sudden, he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders, and a small weight pressed in his chest. He was caught off guard and was not fast enough to side-stepped and dodge the unwelcome embrace, but it's not like the redhead was in his right mind at the moment to know what he really is doing. Maybe he will let this idiot do as he please tonight, so long that he will not disturb his young lord.

"I love him very very much..." The redhead then whispered softly, his words muffled with his face pressed at the butler's clothed chest.

This picked the butler's interest and let the reaper cling to him for a while longer. It is much wiser than making a fuss into persuading a drunken redhead to leave the premises, he would not know when the redhead will start shouting nonsense, and waking everyone in the mansion. It is much safer this way- to be in his good side. Besides, he was done working for the night, might as well entertain himself with the drunken redhead making a fool out of himself _again_.

"Who?" He then asked.

"Sebastian~" The redhead answered adorably.

A smirk ghosted the butler's lips, faking his innocence. "Sebastian?"

The redhead gently nodded, a pout then gracing his moist plump lips. "But..."

"But?" He asked again, starting to get amused, he then felt the redhead sigh in disappointment or was it annoyance?

"But he hates me...he hates me very very much..." Grell's words swirling and muffled making them almost unintelligible, thankfully the butler can still understand them. "Stupid, stupid, stupid Sebas-chan..." He trailed off, repeating it over and over again. "How can he hates my sexy ass? Idiot, idiot...Sebby, soo stupid...~"

The butler chuckled, not taking offence at the redhead's claim of how stupid he is for hating his 'sexy ass', since it's much more amusing the way Grell whine it like a spoiled child. "Really? How so?" Unconsciously, he had started running his fingers through the redhead's silky red hair. He then heard him hiccuped adorably before responding again.

"I dunno...he-" The reaper's words was cut off however, when what's left in his strength faltered and his hold on the butler slipped.

Sebastian quickly caught him, and carried him in a nearby tree where he seated them both, not getting as far as to letting the redhead sit on his lap, no, he sat him and let him lean on the other side of the tree while he sat on the _other side_. After settling himself into a more comfortable position, the redhead continued without the butler to remind him. "Because...he's a demon...because it's nice to hate me...because I'm weird...? I'm not sure..." He paused. "Darling, what do you think...?" He asked childishly, still far from being sober.

Sebastian was a bit taken aback, not expecting to be asked a question. Because he thought he'll be the one asking questions in here. Though he just shrugged it off and answer truthfully. "I think the reason is both. He IS a demon, and demons love the feeling of hate. They feed off towards the hatred of humans for each other. And, you ARE weird."

"Hmm." The redhead only hummed in understanding, though a small pout in his lips. Leaning his head back on the tree behind him and looking at the starry night sky, he said with a sigh, "He will always tell me...demons like himself, he cannot love...that he cannot feel...is that true?"

Even though he knew the reaper can't see him, he nodded. He leaned his head back at the tree as well, relaxing a bit, his skin welcoming the cold wind brushing through his body. And the somehow calm conversation he's having with the redhead about his kind, how did it suddenly turn that way? "Yes. Demons are not capable of love or whatever other kind of affections you are talking about. We are devoid of such troublesome emotions. And just the thought of being near the likes of you is really disgusting." He smirked, not passing the opportunity to insult the redhead again, drunk or not.

Grell only hummed again in understanding, like he wasn't being insulted, or perhaps he's that too far from himself to know it as an insult. And then there was only silence. The redhead did not speak after that for a long moment, and the butler thought he had finally fallen unconscious. He sighed, he was about to stand and leave the redhead there in the cold night when the reaper speak again.

"If...if I become a demon too...will I not feel this anymore then?"

The question startled Sebastian for a moment. His eyes narrowed as he took a glance at the still redhead leaning limply at the other side of the tree they were seating at, but only able to see the reaper's back facing him. "What are you talking about?" He asked coldly.

"If I were to become a demon like him...will I not feel this pain anymore?" There was a pause, and another hiccup. "This love I have for him...will it fade too? Will I be devoid off of it too...?"

Will it? Sebastian thought to himself. It was the first for him to hear something like that, in fact the thought had never come to him, not once. He was of a pure blood, he was a demon at birth, but will a converted one be devoid of any of their past emotions as well? Will they be completely transformed into a dark, heartless, hungry beast like himself?

Grell shivered, as the cold night wind touched his skin for the who knows how many times now that night? With a shaking breath, he continued, "I love him too much, my darling Sebas-chan...that it made my whole body numb from how hurtful it is becoming. That even just the thought of wanting to see him...makes me want to cry..."

The redhead kept still but his glassy eyes reflecting every movement and emotions burning inside of him. How it hurts him so much, remembering it all, all his feelings, his dying heart crying out for the one it longs for. "All I wanted was for him to notice me...pat my head and tell me everything would be okay. That I wasn't weird. That I'm fine just the way I am..." Another hiccup escaped from his lips. "And then we will walk hand-in-hand together, watch the sunrise and sunset together...I want him to be by my side...I could careless about everyone else being cruel to me."

Sebastian become speechless, not knowing how to respond at the redhead's sudden burst out of his emotions. He do not understand...Sebastian do not understand it. Any of it. It was ridiculous, absurd, and just plain stupid. How can someone longed to be with him that much, to want him too much to the point of it being painful? He's a demon, he was never meant to be loved- only to suffer and strive for survival. He does not understand it, this reaper beside him...

"All I'm asking is a simple kind of happiness...but it's not easy. It's not that easy...to be happy."

Somehow, he felt sorry for the redhead. He knew he could never return his feelings, he was incapable of doing so. All that he can do is to give him his sympathy and nothing more. What else can he do? Even such simple happiness, he cannot offer- for even he, himself, is unable to achieve it for his own.

Happiness? Is such a thing really exist? Even for a demon like him?

The butler then smiled bitterly. "It's not, isn't it?"

Grell nodded, but it was unseen by the butler. "It was hard...it was painful...too painful." He breathed, looking down in his lap. Everything is starting to get blurred, but he doesn't care. It's like he's already used to it- to the blur-ness of everything. Because on the passed days since he can remember, everything seems to be passing by him in a blur. He let out a quiet sob, but it was drowned by the sound of the leaves as the wind gently blows on them; with a sad smile, he whispered softly, "I'm a death god...I was supposed to leave forever, yet...I feel like I'm dying everyday." And finally he fell into the arms of the calming darkness, his tears continued to fall in his reddened cheeks, glistening under the moonlight.

Sebastian do not understand. He do not...all those kinds of emotions.

Or is it only because he does not want to understand?

Why...? This was supposed to be entertaining, this conversation- only for his amusement because of his free time...how did it turns out this way?

Sebastian let out a small laugh.

It seems like, even in that drunken state, the redhead was still able to make him uncomfortable, and was still able to turn the situation around into the demon butler's disadvantage. "That sounds...really painful, too painful indeed." Sebastian whispered softly, smiling sadly to himself, before he stood and take the now sleeping redhead in his arms and went back in his room inside the manor.

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Grell stir and tried to move away from the sudden glaring sunlight focused in his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes only to close it again as the light send a stabbing pain to his head, he groaned. His drinking last night was so intense, he was sure it got out of control. And he was so sure that William will burst like a huge angry vein when he knew. It's just that one of those days when his sadness and loneliness pile up inside of him and together they overflow like dark lonely clouds on rainy days. But his dream last night was rather nice...but, also depressing. The guy in his dream last night almost looked completely like Sebastian, only nicer and has more of a tolerance to his person.

How embarrassing that would be if it was really Sebastian who heard him cry out all his feelings and emotions like that...really embarrassing.

He looked so pathetic then. So weak, so helpless.

So disgusting.

Such weakness should never be exposed, specially not to_ him_. Never to Sebastian.

If the butler knew how deeply he really felt for him, how he's so desperate, and so hopelessly waiting for a _demon_ to return his feelings...

It was laughable.

Sebastian would surely laughed at him, and he'll be a subject of mockery to Hell.

Just like he is to his own Realm.

Grell sighed, and again tried to open his both eyes- blinking and rubbing the sleep out of them. He reached for the bedside table where he knew his glasses are placed, and he was right, though thinking that he was able to return last night in his own apartment, he was wrong. Very wrong. His eyes went wide as he took in the unfamiliar surrounding, almost screaming as it finally sink in that he was indeed,_ not_ in his own room.

But who's room was he? It was far from Ronald's room, and there is no way he was in William's room. The Undertaker is also out of the question- the room was too elegant-looking to be inside a funeral parlor, and the fact that he did not go as far into the Human Realm to drink his stupid feelings away.

He stood, groaning at the painful throbbing of his head, and wondered around the room more. Maybe he was kidnapped? No, it's unlikely. Then maybe a good samaritan saw him sleeping in a random street and took him in? "Yes, that's more likely to happen." He nodded, agreeing to himself.

"What is?" A voice suddenly sounded from behind him.

Grell jumped at the sudden interruption of his thoughts, turning around quickly to acknowledge the new presence in the room, but before he could completely turn his body, he slipped. He was barefoot and the bathroom floor was quite slippery -yes, he searched the bathroom too- and he lost his balance. With a feminine squeak, his body fell backwards. He was ready for it, for his back to hit the hard floor.

But the painful contact never came, and instead a pair of strong arms caught his shoulders and his back leaning gently to a broad chest.

The redhead paused for a moment, trying to grasp everything that happened and level his breathing. Finally, taking a glance at his savior, slowly, he was greeted with a handsome face and had an eye-to-eye contact with the most beautiful eyes- those crimson eyes, so cold and cruel, so blood-like...so much like...

His eyes widen in realization. "Se-Sebastian?!"

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_**TBC.**_

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_Please forgive any errors and stuffs~! We still dun haves Beta~ QnQ _

_And also, I need your THOUGHTS for this fic 'kay~? The SebaGrell ship seems to be in a quiet float at the moment...I think it's Undertaker's ships that are in the uproar, so **please I need your feedback if I should continue with this or not since many are not interested in this pairing at present.** (oTT n TTo)_

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**_Please REVIEW! I am forever addicted to them~!  
Sankyuuu for reading yo~! *hearts*_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note:**_

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_YAYS! I'm soo glaaad I haven't lose you yet my co-SebaGrell fangilrs! ! ! QuQ_

_And since you're still here with me for this awesome pairing, I will continue this story and will eventually and hopefully finish my on-going fics as well soon~ __Hopes you likes this chapter too~! __Sankyuuu very much for those who really did give this story a feedback! I loves you yo~ this update is for you guys~ (oQ u Qo) *hearts*_

**_Also, I would like to thank InsanityExplosion for beta-reading this chapter for me~ YESH! FINALLY, I HAS MYSELF AN AWESOME BETA~ /cryy_**

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Grell hastily pulled away from the butler's arms and backed to the bathroom door which only made him to trip again and fall on his butt at the carpeted floor of the bedroom. "W-what are you doing here?!"

Sebastian, emotionless as usual, turn towards the redhead on the floor to help him up, but before he could reach his hand to him, Grell immediately scramble away from him like a scared kitten. Gently, he raised an eyebrow. "This is my room."

"W-what?! How...did this become your room?!" The redhead almost shouted, pointing an accusing finger towards the demon butler.

Sebastian tried again, walking close towards the redhead that was still on the floor, but Grell was quick to move away from him again. "You're inside the Phantomhive Manor."

"Wha...what am I doing here?!" Grell asked again, nervously and in panic, desperately trying so hard to move away from the man he have always wanted to come close to. He just could not believe it. He could not believe_ this_...how did he get here? In Sebastian's room?! Could it be...he wasn't just dreaming last night...? His eyes widen with fear as it dawned on him, the possibility of his dream last night being not really a dream at all, but a reality.

_'No...'_

"You came here on your own last night, do you not remember?" Sebastian questioned, beginning to get impatient with the redhead repeatedly running away from him. "And why, may I ask, you are running away from me?"

"I...I don't remember anything..." Grell lied, groaning as the throbbing of his head returned. "And I'm not running! What're you talking about?" He snapped, lying once again.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, finally getting a hold of the redhead in his distraction from the headache. "You should stay in bed. It seems to me that you drank too much alcohol last night." He said, more kindly this time, as he help the redhead back into the bed. "I brought you some tea, please drink it. It will make you feel better."

Grell gave him a surprised look, before a playful smile creep on his blushing face. "Aww~ Is my darling Sebby worried about me~? I knew you care for me somehow, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down inside~!" He cried, batting his eyelashes and winking at the handsome butler when the stabbing pain in his head subsided, but then it came back again. "Oww...dammit..."

The butler only looked at him, disregarding his dramatic comments, and just offered him the tea instead.

After settling his self back into the bed comfortably, Grell looked at the butler curiously, hesitant at accepting the offered tea, but took it anyway after a moment. "You could have just left me there outside- like I know you would. Why the sudden kindness?"

Sebastian showed him a kind smile. "Why? Is it bad to treat you with a little bit of kindness once in a while?"

The redhead averted his eyes to the side, heaving a deep sigh after a small sip from his tea. "You tell me. You're the one who thought being kind to me is like doing something...gross."

"I...did, didn't I?" Sebastian said after a moment, not being able to respond immediately, an apologetic look on his handsome face. "I sincerely apologi-" He started again, but was cut off as he heard the redhead giggle.

"Silly~ I was only messing with you Sebby!" The redhead laughed again, poking the butler's belly with a finger like it will somehow tickle the manly butler, though it only earn him a flat look from the demon. "It's alright darling, I've seen worse. And being treated kindly is really nice, though if whatever I said or did last night made you come up with this, please forget everything about it." He then looked at the butler's eyes and smiled. "Okaaay~?"

"No." Was the butler's simple answer, which earn him a glare from the redhead.

"And why is that?"

"I'm curious."

Grell raised an eyebrow at this. "Curious about what?"

"About you."

"Uhh, I beg your pardon. You lost me there, darling~"

"I want to be able to understand."

Grell shot him a questioning look, encouraging the butler to make a complete explanation instead of just giving him those short phrases. Because it was starting to annoy him, and with his head still aching from drinking too much alcohol last night, the handsome demon is not really helping. But the butler only return his gaze and looking like he do not plan on talking further at any time soon. He sighed in annoyance. "What do you 'want to understand'?"

The butler then leaned onto the bed, inching closer and closer towards the redhead until his hot breath brushing to the reaper's ear. "You. Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions- everything."

Grell's blush deepened, rivaling the color of his hair as he felt the butler's body heat just an inch away from him. Somehow, the close proximity has made him nervous but excited at the same time. Sebastian's sinful lips so dangerously close on his own, and his warm breath tickling the flushed skin of his face- sending sweet sensations down to his nether region. "A-and how are y-you supposed to do t-that?" He shivered, thankful for the thick comforter covering his other half in the butler's bed, keeping his excitement hidden from the butler's sight.

A gorgeous smile then graced the butler's sexy lips, teasing the redhead, and when Grell finally felt the handsome butler move to close the gap between their awaiting lips, Sebastian pulled away. Walking to the other side of the room, took a chair and gracefully place it opposite from his bed and finally, sitting himself elegantly at it only to stare at the redhead in his bed- with an emotionless face.

Grell blinked, confusion and a bit of irritation evident in his beautiful face. He watched the butler as he moved around the room until finally settling in front of him in a distance, returning his gaze. They stayed like that for quite some time with the redhead still trying to grasp what the butler is playing at. But Grell is never a patient one, by the time their staring game had reached the time of half an hour, almost every part of the reaper's face started twitching in annoyance.

"Sebas-chan, dear~" Grell cooed, before throwing the butler a glare that could make a mortal to drop dead. "How is _staring_ at me will make you _understand_ everything about me~? Hmm? Is this some kind of a sick joke to you? Are you making fun of me?!" He snapped, throwing his now cold tea in the butler's direction- which was easily dodged. He was so mad, that tears started falling from his eyes uncontrollably; because for a moment, he actually thought that the butler had really wanted to understand him. For a moment there, he felt hopeful...

Cruel.

How cruel.

"...Don't you have enough?" He asked weakly, trying his hardest to wipe the tears from his face with the hem of his white-dress shirt's sleeves. "Please don't play with my feelings like this. I may be nothing of worth to you but...do I really deserve this?" He cried, almost bawling like a child. But he cannot stop himself, the alcohol's residue is still affecting his thinking, making him emotionally unstable.

Sebastian sighed, standing from his seat and walking towards the sobbing redhead. Sitting next to him on the bed, he reached out his gloved hands and pull the redhead close to him before wiping the other's tears as he speak. "What makes you think that? I am serious though, so please do not cry anymore." He cooed, trying to calm the redhead.

"Noooo! Just leave me alone!" Grell cried more loudly, swatting the butler's hands away from his face. "It's the reason why you brought me here, right? Because you thought I'm pathetic...and I amuse you..."

Truth be told, yes. Sebastian thought the redhead was amusing, his desperation to obtain something he calls 'Love' was something entertaining, but he did not brought him inside his room for such reason. He really did want to try and understand those feelings that demons like himself were never able to have. Since last night, he had been asking himself- what is it with 'Love' that is so great that many seek to have it? From a hundred decades that he has lived, Sebastian had seen a lot, learned a lot- about humans and other God created things. He got familiar with them all, their feelings, emotions, behavior, and reactions. He has memorized them from a very long time ago, having contracts with humans for countless of times made him to. But now that he comes to actually think about it, he never understood any one of them.

It was like he knew them, but he never really did.

Obtaining those kinds of feelings...why was his kind denied of such privilege?

He wanted to know.

And so he thought, maybe Grell could help him?

"No, Grell. I am serious about what I said, I do want to understand you- everything about you. Please believe me when I say this." He tried again, sounding sincere; giving the wet trail of tears in the reaper's face a soft and gentle kisses, successfully calming his sobbing. "Sshh, do not cry anymore, Grell."

"R-really...? You're not lying to me are you, S-Sebby...?" The redhead asked childishly and hiccupped, the effect of the alcohol in his head still kicking in.

"Of course. And I do not lie, Grell." Sebastian reassured, leaning closer to the other until there's only an inch between them. Looking him straight in his beautiful glassy gold-green eyes, he continued, "Then, will you stay here with me and let me...understand every part of you?" Answered only with a look of surprise and a small nod, he close the gap between the two of them and capture the redhead's lips in a gentle and affectionate manner.

It took Grell a moment to completely melt into the kiss, but he was soon returning them in the same loving vigor. Fully enjoying and feeling it, because this might be the only time this will happen to him, to receive such treatment from his beloved. Then, he might as well live it and embrace it until the time that they will have to part comes. With the thoughts running wild into his head, he cannot help but feel unease, like his beloved demon would disappear in his grasp at any moment. Grell's kiss then became aggressive, welcoming the butler's tongue into his, making them move in desperation, need, and love. Pulling the other closer as he wrapped his arms around the butler's neck, clinging like his life depended on it.

Sebastian cannot help but smile at the kiss.

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Ronald sweat-dropped as he tried for the umpteenth time to ring the doorbell of the Phantomhive Manor. But he just cannot do it, he cannot push the goddammed button! He was shaking terribly, pacing outside the mansion like a nervous _handsome_ guy trying to ask for the blessing of his beloved's parents. He shouldn't have been in this place, but his missing Senpai is nowhere to be found and the only place left to look is in the demon butler's company, who works inside the mansion.

William had asked him this morning to fetch his Senpai, believing that the redhead was oversleeping again, and handed him a spare key to the redhead's room. But he did not find him in his apartment nor did it show any signs that Grell had been there in the night too. It worries him, besides being his Senpai, Grell is his close friend as well. He admired the man to a certain extent, enough to give him a sense of protection over his effeminate Senpai.

But even though it's like that, he felt like he was not yet ready for this kind of 'protecting'. He is not afraid of the demon, of course not. But he's still young, he found himself too handsome to want to die yet. I mean, what about those ladies that still wanted to date him? It's very ungentlemanly to leave them all hanging! So, it is only natural to be a _little_ nervous, right?

"What is your business in my master's manor?"

Ronald's heart almost jumped out of his mouth at the sudden cold and stern voice sounding from the closed door that is now widely open, with the demon butler standing there in all his handsome glory- that is of course, not as much as his own handsome glory. "Geez! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"You are trespassing in my master's property, please leave now."

He frowned. "Hey, chill. I was only wondering if you saw Grell-senpai around here somewhere? I haven't seen him since this morning and-"

"He's not here."

"Oh? You haven't saw him somewhere too?"

"No. If that is all, you may leave."

Ronald huffed, annoyed at the butler's lack of friendliness and hospitality. Demons can be friendly too if they tried! "Okay, okay. Geez, no need to rush me to leave...but are you sure about not seeing h-"

"I do not like repeating myself." Sebastian snapped, glaring at the half-blond with his cold red-eyes.

"But are you sure? I already searched the whole London and even in our own Realm. This is the only place I haven't searched yet!" He exclaimed, pushing his bravery to its limit. "If you could just let me search this pl-"

"I already told you, he is not h-"

"Ronnie~! ! ! Darling, over here~!" Grell suddenly called out cheerfully from the window of Sebastian's room, waving at his cute little kohai, and practically beaming in pure happiness.

"Senpai?! What are you doing there?!" He then shot the butler beside him a glare. "So, he's not here huh?"

Sebastian only made a sound of annoyance.

"Come down here Senpai!"

"Ohh, are you going to catch me Ronnie~? If you are, then-" Grell started, beginning to step into the windowsill and jump when Ronald stopped him.

"No, no! On second thought, you just stay there Grell-senpai! I'm coming up!"

"Ehh? Okaaay~! But hurry up darling, I don't like waiting for too long~!" The redhead then giggled before disappearing inside the room again.

Ronald then return his glare for the butler to have. "Well? You have something to say?"

"I am taking you to his room, so please follow me." The butler said simply, but annoyance is evident in his normally stoic face.

Ronald frowned, almost pouting. It's not the kind of reaction he was expecting from the butler, being caught red handed, he was somehow expecting an apology and an embarrassed face. But he guess demons don't have those kinds of reactions.

The walk to Sebastian's room was awefully and awkwardly quiet. The young master is out with his fiance and the other servants busy doing their assigned chores- there was no interruptions nor disturbances. Standing in front of the room's door, Ronald was soon tackled by an overly happy bouncing redhead as the door was opened. Thankfully, his Senpai only weighs like a feather and the unexpected attack did not send them both on the hard floor.

"Grell-senpai, what are you doing here? And only wearing your white-dress shirt...where are you pants?!" He yelled, but instead of giving it to the redhead, his sharp glare directed to the butler behind him.

"He came here drunk last night and dirtied his clothes when he vomited. I kindly took his clothes to the laundry."

"But I still have my undies Ronnie~! Look~!" Grell then said, already pulling his slightly too long dress shirt upwards to flash his kohai with his underwear when a pair of hands forced them back down.

Ronald gave him an embarrassed look. "No, Senpai...I don't want to see it!"

The redhead laughed at him playfully. "Why not~?"

"Just..." Ronald then let out a deep sigh, completely surrendering in the argument, before giving his grinning Senpai a worried look. "If I knew you were planning to get wasted last night, I wouldn't have left you alone." He sighed. "You got a hang-over?"

"D'aww~ darling you're so adorable some times!" Grell cooed, pinching the cheeks of his kohai to prove his point- the young man being adorable. "I have a little this morning~ But I'm fine now! Sebby took good care of me, you see~" He then blushed, his face all red, as he give the butler quick glances and wiggling shyly to where he stand next to Ronald.

Ronald's eyebrow twitch, then suddenly flicks his Senpai's forehead.

"Oww! What the hell! That really hurts Ronnie! ! !"

"And here I was worrying all this morning! Go get a shower, and then we're leaving!"

"Aww...do I have to~?"

"Yes, now go!" He said again, pushing the pouting redhead to the bathroom.

"Can't you push a little more gently?! You brute!"

Sebastian watched them the whole time, scowling all the while at the half-blond reaper. He had nothing against the young boy, but if this continues, his plans are all going to get ruined, and he will not let that happen. He cannot let him take Grell now, he will not allow it. He walked towards the bathroom, when suddenly the young reaper dared to stand in his way.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I will simply bring him his towel and clothes."

Ronald huffed. "What do you want exactly? Being all nice to him all of a sudden, you must need him for something, right? You are plotting something evil, aren't you?"

"I do not know what you are talking about." The butler tried to pass again, but still, Ronald won't budge in his place.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb, demon."

Sebastian smirked, amused at the young reaper's courage to dare challenge him in such a pitiful, weak looking body that he has. What a pain. "So, what if I have? If I'm plotting something bad, if I'm going to use him, if I'm going to hurt him, then what?" He cooed, like a sweet poison dripping from his mouth, his smirk never leaving his face.

"What are you going to do about it, young boy?"

. . . ~*SC*~ . . .  
_**TBC.**_

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_This story is not really going to be long...since you know how great I am at making UNFINISHED works~ QuQ And I already had the ending in mind so...please be patient with me! /hugsyou_

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**_Please REVIEW! I am forever addicted to them~!  
Sankyuuu for reading yo~! *hearts*_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note:**_

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_Sankyuuu very much for all your reviews in this fic~! ! ! QuQ And so I thought I will post this early~ I was in the middle of one of my morning review session when this suddenly runs wild like bunnies in my brain cells..._(what about the lectures I'm reviewing guys?! I need them too...bunnies whhyyyy)/sobs

_Hopes you'll likes this~ ouo_

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Ronald flinched, the demon butler's choice of tone and intimidating height looming over him is greatly damaging his cool act of bravery. In fact, it was_ intensely_ and _handsomely_ cowering inside of him right at that very moment. Very, very uncool. But it was what the demon's words are that really pissed him off. Even until now, he still can't believe how unfeeling the butler's kind is, doing cruel things just because they can. The thought caused a scowl in his face, overpowering the building fear inside of him instead.

"Cold, heartless, bastard. You really are a demon." He accused, glaring sharply at the butler standing firmly in front of him.

Sebastian's grin only widened at the young reaper's accusations. "_I am_ a Demon."

"Yeah? But it doesn't mean that you have to act like one!" Ronald exclaimed.

Then, there was silence. A long pause, the younger's statement surprising the demon butler greatly. Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"What I meant is, you don't have to always act like that. Just because you are created as a demon, doesn't mean that you have to always act like one! I mean, c'mon man, what your_ free will_ is for? What you are is not a choice you can make but how you want to behave and act is something you can choose for yourself."

A frown then appeared on the butler's handsome face, showing his lack of understanding for the matter which only annoyed him more. "I do not understand what you are trying to say. Are you saying that even though I am a demon, I could act like a Reaper or an Angel instead? That's kind of ludicrous, don't you think?"

"No-...I don't mean it like that!" Ronald sighed, a bit frustrated. "Well, you know what? I don't really have to be explaining this kinds of things to you anyway. Just stay away from Grell-senpai, okay? Please? I could even beg you if you want!"

"Beg me? Why, aren't you a very caring little boy to your Senpai. It seems to me that you-"

"If you're going to say what I thought you are, you're wrong. I don't feel that way towards him."

Sebastian's smirk then returned, completely disregarding the fact that he had been rudely cut off. "Is that so? Though, your actions says otherwise."

"I only act the way a true friend is supposed to!" Ronald huffed.

Sebastian nodded in consideration, though a smirk was still in place. "Alright, I get it. But I would ask for you to let him stay here for a little longer."

"No, no you don't!" Ronald yelled, "With you still thinking of using him for your own interest, you don't get anything at all!"

"I mean him no harm, I assure you. I am only interested in understanding his feelings and emotions." The butler explained, simply.

"What for? Even if you understand them, you will never be able to know how it really is. You're a _demon_, you said it yourself. You don't_ feel_." Ronald boldly stated, only earning him a straight face from the butler. His brows then furrowed as he realized something. "For the sake of your own curiosity, isn't it?"

The butler still did not speak, and only look straight at him.

"Heh, why? Do you think it's fun? That having this feelings and emotions while being a Death God is _fun_?"

"Is it not? I thought being able to feel happiness_ is_ fun."

Ronald then shot him a glare that could almost made Sebastian believe that he is not only a weak, helpless young child. "You thought the Gods thinking, _'Ohh~ Let's create Reapers to bring Death without mercy to the humans! And ooh~ Let's give them a heart too so they can do the judging of the souls as well~! And then, let's see how long they can take until they finally lose it and become insane with these contradicting emotions~! YAY~!'_ IS fun?" He growled, "We are Death Gods for God's sake! We bring Death to humans whether we like it or not! We are the literal description of a true _killing machine_!"

The young reaper then took a long pause, and took a deep breath to compose himself.

Sebastian remained silent.

"You think it's fun having to kill someone and then be able to feel bad and guilt about it? At least _you_ don't feel anything when you kill or eat souls! But WE- we suffer with something that is a part of us for eternity, and we can't even do something about it. That even being able to feel _happiness_ because of it is not worth it anymore..."

Hearing the younger's last sentence completely caught Sebastian's attention more than anything the half-blond child had said so far. If the consequences attached to these feelings is so overwhelming that it is not worth to even have anymore then, what is so great about them?

Sacrificing so big, to earn something so small...

Sebastian don't understand any of it. However way you look at it, it is just plain wrong. And the fact that, it is not a choice for the Reapers to have is...

Ronald let out a small breath, before looking sadly at his feet. "Just like you, we Reapers are not meant to love or be loved, but still we are able to feel it just so that we could do our purpose. Don't you think it's unfair? You have a reason to be bad because that's what demons are, Angels can go insane purifying things without limitation because they are created that way. But we can't even do that...we have to kill mercilessly and then be merciful enough afterwards not to just throw them in hell. It's like you have to be able to change from being insane to sane in just a blink of an eye or the soul will have to face a wrong judgement!"

The young reaper continued, "It's so hard...keeping the balance of this Earth so you guys could live in peace if not happily, and what we feel and think about everything does not even matter...created just so something could stand in between your kind and the heavenly creatures...it's so unfair..."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"I'm sure you are." Ronald then smiled bitterly, "We are prone to insanity more than you are, in fact, your kind is the most convenient. Even Grell-senpai feels that way too..."

Sebastian's eyes widen, remembering something similar from the redhead the other night before when the redhead was drunk, the thought of becoming a demon to erase the 'love' that the redhead felt strongly for him. And the great pain that is attached to it. "How...do you know all this?"

"How? It is because, Sir, I am the one who he runs to crying every time because of how cruel you guys are to him!" He paused, looking sullen as he repeated in his mind the memories of those times, "It even happens frequently now that, I become scared to leave him alone...he is not that _sane_ anymore, but I guess you already knew that." He then gave the butler a glance, "Though, so far, the most insane thing that he'd done was falling in love with_ you_."

Somehow, this made Sebastian smile. "I will have to agree with you on that."

Ronald returned the gesture. "He might have not lived long like you did but in his life, he'd been broken so many times by many around him...so I am asking you a favor. Please, don't rush his insanity and death. You know, one of this days, it's going to happen. I know it's going to happen._ He_ knows it's going to happen. That's why he refused to be left alone, but only with me..." A sad smile then appeared in his young face, "Because no one else seems to care."

"I see..." Was the only thing Sebastian was able to say, his mask skillfully covering every emotions he was starting to feel.

"You know, the only thing that's fun in having this feelings and emotion- this thing called 'Love', is when they are being returned. If not, it will only caused pain and nothing more."

Sebastian did not speak this time, and instead focused on contemplating all the information the younger being is telling him.

"Falling in love is not really something that happens on a whim. Once you fall for the wrong person, expect a hell to pay."

"Are you discouraging me already?" The butler then inquired.

Ronald grinned. "Heh, no. I'm simply telling you what to expect in the future if you happen to successfully understand Grell-senpai's feelings. How it kills him everyday to love someone so unfeeling like you, how painful do you think that is?"

Sebastian then let out a tired breath. All this talking about love and feelings are so complicated that it wears his brain down. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because somehow, I thought you'd feel sympathy and be a little kind to him? I'm not asking you to love him, you don't have to do that. Something that is forced is not love at all. I only ask that you tolerate his behavior around you a little bit more and not make him any more worse than he is now. You might have not noticed it, but he really is easy to please. Even a red string can make him happy. But, a single wrong choice of word can also easily break him into a million tiny little pieces."

"What do you suppose I do then?" Sebastian asked after a moment with a noticeable smirk on his handsome face, greatly amused at how his taunting went down into this, where the younger immortal being who's probably decades his junior is lecturing him about 'feelings and love'.

"You have to stop thinking."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's because you think too much! You're just like William-senpai, always calculating and over-analyzing things! Love is not like that, it is something that naturally happens with unknown reasons. It's like a mystery that can never be solved! So, stop using your brain. It's useless when it comes to L-O-V-E!"

"You are spending too much time with Grell, you almost sounded like him in that speech of yours." Sebastian commented, not hiding his amusement, and completely disregarding his sudden annoyance being compared with the so stiffed Supervisor of the London Dispatch.

Ronald's face flushed in embarrassment. "Shut up! Geez, way to ruin a good speech about love." He groaned.

"I understand now. As long as I can take good care of him and make him happy, he can stay?"

The half blond sighed in defeat. "That's fair enough, I guess..." Suddenly, a thought comes to him like a small rock thrown on his head. "I think we've talked too much...aren't we forgetting something?"

A moment of silence.

Finally, the both of them had come into realizing what it is, rather, _who_ it is.

"Grell." They said in unison, only with Ronald trailing off '-senpai'.

Both of them went straight into the bathroom in a haste. If Sebastian was right, they had their talk for a fair amount of time, Grell should have been done with his bath. And with them not really speaking with a quiet voice, he wondered if the redhead had overhear some of their conversation.

But as they reached the bathroom, they are met with the sight of the redhead lying- sleeping on the bathroom floor.

"Grell-senpai!" Ronald called, quickly kneeling beside the redhead and taking him in his arms. The butler just behind him.

Grell stir, blinking sleepily at his kohai.

"Are you okay?! You scare the hell out of me! Geez, why are you people trying to get me a heart attack today?!"

"Ronnie...you're so noisy..." Grell whined, letting out a small yawn after. "I'm sooorry...I fell asleep while I was waiting for my bath to be ready..."

Sebastian looked at him in confusion. "I thought you've had your good rest already this morning?"

The redhead then grinned, showing rows of his shark-like teeth, though still looking all sleepy. "Sebas-chan's kisses were soo good~ I couldn't really sleep~"

At this, Ronald shot the demon behind him another glare, in which the demon did not miss.

"He insisted." The butler explained shortly.

"You initiated it though, darling~" Grell murmured still grinning, but did not really show any effort into staying completely awake anymore.

"Alright, that's it. I'm taking you back with me, Senpai." Ronald bravely declared, scooping the redhead into a bridal carry with the full intention of leaving the bathroom and the manor altogether. But before he could even take a step, the butler stood in his way.

"I thought we already had our deal."

"I don't remember saying anything about sexual harassment!"

Sebastian groaned in annoyance at the bold accusations. Sexual harassment, really? Only those who are of a lowly kind of demon do something so desperate like that. He always make sure that his victims are willing and so desperate for him and not the other way around, is that sexual harassment when the other is so willing? As a high ranked powerful demon like himself, he has his also _high_ standards _thank you very much_. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" The young half-blond boy exclaimed.

"You are talking non-sense!"

"I am not! Get out of my way!"

"Then leave him here."

"No! I'm taking him back with me! You leave us alone old guy!"

_Twitch._

"I will only pretend that I did not hear what I thought I heard you say, so you could leave in peace and him here with me." Sebastian said dangerously, his irritation now very, _very_ noticeable.

Ronald flinched, but still refuse to leave his Senpai behind. "No!"

"You are really trying my patience."

"I don't ca-!"

"Shut the fuck up! Girls, you're both pretty~ Now, let the prettiest sleep 'kaaaay~?" The redhead suddenly cried in frustration, burying his face more into the crook of Ronald's neck like it would hide him away from all the noise around him.

Both looked at the redhead in surprise, but as the said redhead fell back asleep they glare back at each other.

"Don't make this harder for the both of us." Sebastian growled, but quietly this time.

"No! Get out of the way!" Ronald shouted again, but more softly this time. And tried repeatedly to pass the butler who's firmly blocking the only exit.

"This is ridiculous..."

Ronald huffed. "Aren't you a bit too old for this kind of game? Just act like a mature person and let me through!"

_Twitch. Twitch. _

By this time, every part of the butler's face was twitching in annoyance. "Well, aren't you a bit too young to be sticking your nose into some adult's business?" He retorted, and to his great pleasure, it completely irked the younger man.

"You bastard! You take that back! I have you know that I'm a full grown adult! And I date a lot of adult ladies too-"

"'A full _grown_ adult', you say?" Sebastian said, a knowing smirk in his face as he eyed the younger reaper from head-to-toe. "If you say so."

"Hey! What's that suppose to mean?!"

"I meant-"

"I told you both to shut up...but you didn't even listen to me..." A lowly, spine-chilling voice suddenly sounded from behind them. The redhead completely lost on the younger reaper's arms. Then it was the cry of a roaring chainsaw that caught both the butler and the half-blond's whole attention together.

"Uhh...Grell-senpai...please calm down..." Ronald cooed nervously, backing away from the slowly approaching chainsaw and a very sleepily frustrated redhead, with Sebastian not far behind them.

"Apparently, you have failed to warn me about bothering his sleep..." Sebastian groaned, whispering the words as to not irate the redhead any further.

"He he he...apparently, I forgot to also remind myself...AHHHH!" Ronald cried and tried to talk sense with his chainsaw-wielding Senpai as Grell finally lose it and chase the two other immortal being with the roaring blades of his chainsaw.

Sebastian also tried to calm the redhead and sweet-talk him but his charms was not working at all, it was like the redhead was being blinded by something against his manly beauty.

It went on and on and on and on and on, the half-blond crying his lungs out like a very _unmanly_ guy as he was almost got hit in his right shoulder, thankfully the blades only made it to damage his standard Shinigami uniform and not his beautiful smooth skin. He was looking very horrible, and screaming very uncool things, but to his great relief, the butler had finally took control over the redhead and was able to cooed him back to sleep.

Ronald sat himself near the damaged window, panting; looking a lot more horrible than the last time he noticed his appearance, which was only a few minutes ago.

Sebastian sat beside him, tired and looking as horrible as he is.

"I think I will leave him here for now...yeah..."

"Thank you." Sebastian said, with an amused smile.

"William is so going to kill me..."

"I am sorry to hear that."

A scowl then appeared in Ronald's face. "No, you're not! Shut up!"

The butler finally laughed, and Ronald could only groaned and try to accept his awaiting painful faith.

. . . ~*SC*~ . . .  
_**TBC.**_

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_YAYS! XDD Ahh...you had a very long camera exposure in this chapter Ronnie~! _

_See you next time! OuO_

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**_Please REVIEW! I am forever addicted to them~!  
Sankyuuu for reading yo~! *hearts*_**


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